When protective parents reach out for help and put their trust in the systems put in place to protect them and their children, too often they find that trust betrayed. Protective parents find they are blamed by the system and ultimately lose the option to protect their children. Instead, the system places the children in the custody of the abusive parent. How does this happen? PMA International writes “Family courts frequently minimize the harmful impact of children’s witnessing violence between their parents and sometimes are reluctant to believe mothers.”
Protective parents are mystified, overwhelmed, re-victimized by the system after being victimized by an abusive spouse/intimate partner. They go from being the primary caregiver for their children–a role their former partner agreed with—to being allowed limited supervised visits or no contact with their children. You may ask “does this happen often?” It happens in approximately 10% of divorce/custody cases with the result that abusive parents gain custody up to 70% of the time. In the other 90% of divorce cases where children are involved, the parents come to agreements about division of parenting time.
The next question that arises is “what underlies these cases?” Abusers use Coercive Control Tactics while they are in their relationships. Many times these tactics never reach the level of abuse that requires law enforcement intervention. These unreportable tactics continue after separation by the abuser through indirect methods, sometimes called DV by Proxy. What is of greatest concern is the damage of Coercive Control Tactics to the emotional and mental health of the protective parent and children. These tactics can render the protective parent and children vulnerable to the manipulations of the abuser.
Children in these cases are used as pawns by the abuser to leverage the system personnel to inadvertently collaborate in carrying out the abuser’s Coercive Control Tactics. This is why it is extremely important that all system personnel be educated to develop the skills to avoid being the proxy for the abuser. Find out about specialized training in domestic violence/coercive control dynamics.
Discover quality continuing education in the virtual training center available from the comfort of your office or home. Our trainers have direct experience providing treatment to abusers, protective parents, and silent-witness victims/children. Now, you gain from their expertise to build your competency-based skills to keep children safe from abuser parents.
See you in the training center,
Dr. Debra
Trainer, Author, Speaker
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P.P.S. Be part of the professional movement to keep children safe from abuse—stop the betrayal of their trust.
Are you saying that up to 70% of divorce cases end up allowing the abuser to gain custody of the child or children? That is quite an astouding statistic.
Dr. Erica