Many parents are concerned about the stress of holiday parenting schedule changes. Advocates may find parents ask for help with formulating holiday schedules. When no court orders exist to designate how parenting time is split, parents may become anxious about what is best for their children. Even when court orders exist, parents may become involved in negotiating different splits. For example, if one parent wants to take children out-of-town or out-of-state, they may ask for a change of holiday time.
Safe parents may express concerns about
- how children will be impacted by these changes as far as their well-being
- how children will adjust to a change in their structured parenting time schedule
- how children will handle longer time away from their safe parent
- how children will be affected by negative messages from the other parent and his/her family members
- how children will bounce back after extended parenting time with an unsafe/abuser parent
This is a point where I talk with parents about the importance of building resilience skills in their children. Resilience is “an adaptive response to serious hardship” according to Center on the Developing Child (2015). I frame this for parents as a time for their children to learn the skill of versatility. Versatility allows children to adapt to different environments that allows them to learn to go with the flow. None of us live in a world that is the same on a daily basis. Every day we experience changes in what is happening around us. For young and school-age children, a change in caregiver or teacher may occur. School friends may be out of class for various reasons. Assignments change and new ideas and concepts are presented. Never underestimate the power of the brain to absorb what is going on in our lives. We know that young children learn at rapid rates and build brain cells exponentially. (This is a topic for another message.)
Our goal is to help children expand their horizons in positive, nurturing environments. We want to help them avoid toxic stress. This is stress where no one is available to comfort and nurture them when adversity comes their way. Thus, safe parents can prepare their children with skills to care for themselves and tools to help them through stressful circumstances. The skills given to children are to plan for how to manage stressful circumstances. You can role play with your children what to do in a given situation. You can practice with your children in similar settings. You can explain what to do in different situations. Here’s another tool you can use from Center on the Developing Child (2014) for skill building.
Advocates can open the doors to multiple resources online that parents can access. Open these doors to empower safe parents to take control of their lives. Give them the tools to teach their children lifelong skills to manage stress and adversity. Walk beside survivors to support them to become thrivers.
Remember, our advocacy training courses start January 8, 2019. If you or someone you know is interested in advocating for victims of domestic violence/abuse and coercive control, check out the certificate program at http://houseofpeacepubs.com. We look forward to providing you the most up-to-date research-based training for advocates.
Peace-filled holidays,
Dr. Debra and the House of Peace Virtual Training Team
P.S. Your questions about our training programs as always welcome contact us.
P.P.S. Meet our training partner, Joy Forrest from Called to Peace Ministries, who shares her wisdom in faith-based advocacy