Yesterday, I spoke to our local clergy about the “Brain Effects of Domestic Violence and Coercive Control on Children”. In 30 minutes, I covered the neurobiological effects on the brain that start pre-natally and continue as long as domestic violence and coercive control is present. When I talked about the different types of stress—positive, tolerable, and toxic, I relayed the impact of toxic stress that results in state dependent learning. Recent research on PTSD shows state dependent learning continues to trigger reactive responses even after the abuser is no longer present.
An example I provided was a son who started healing from the toxic stress after mother left the abuser. The son had minimal contact with the abusive father for several months, was progressing in therapy, and improving in school. When father re-entered the son’s life, his use of emotional and verbal abuse, and intimidation coercive control shifted the balance back to the son reacting to mother in an abusive manner and in her words “acting just like father”. Since mother filed for divorce, the son’s behavior has escalated and he appears to be coached by father to abuse mother.
Under the Colorado statutes, the criminal definition of C.R.S. § 18-6-800.3 Domestic violence means an act or threatened act of violence upon a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence also includes any other crime against a person or against property or any municipal ordinance violation against a person or against property, when used as a method of coercion, control, punishment, intimidation, or revenge [emphasis added] directed against a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship.
Because this case will go through the civil courts, the father may not be held accountable for the criminal behavior he perpetrated during the marriage, post-separation, and most likely post-divorce. The son is being trained to be abusive and use coercion and control with his mother. The likelihood he will become an abuser beyond his mother is extremely high. Will he end up in the criminal justice system or just repeat his behavior in his adult relationships? Who will eventually hold him accountable? Or, will he dodge criminal charges just like his father?
We have to work together to coordinate the civil and criminal court response to domestic violence, and coercive and controlling behavior. We can no longer stand back and watch abusers dodge criminal charges when they commit a crime. They must be held criminally accountable.