Hello Dr. Debra,
May I ask a quick question?
When I give the DV trainings to my colleagues, I sometimes talk in terms of “offenders and victims” of domestic violence. This may be because of my Criminology background. I only use this term when referring to it in the present circumstance. In other words, if someone has reported recent abuse. Dr. Debra, I have never liked the term “victim.” I know it’s a criminal justice term and used for reporting purposes. I know about using the term “survivors of domestic violence” and celebrate that. I use it whenever it may apply- when people are fighting and moving forward. Is there another more correct term other than victim of domestic violence that I might use? I also use, person being abused and abusive partners. In your professional opinion, should I leave the word victim out completely?
Thanks for your help,
Warm Regards,
Kathryn
You pose a very interesting question that I struggled with while writing my current book, Eye Wide Open: Help! with Control Freak Co-Parents. It should be published by the end of December.
Here is what I decided to do with the word “victim”. Some of your ideas of talking about the abuser and the abused were terms I used as well. Also, I changed the word offender (the book relates to Family Court, not Criminal Court) to abuser or abusive partner or abusive spouse. This made it easier to talk about the abused partner or spouse.
Whenever possible, I use the term survivor instead of victim. I like this better because the person who was or is being abused is a survivor. When the abused person survives the abuse and starts down a healing path, I refer to that person as a thriver. This indicates someone who went beyond surviving to taking their power back and thriving outside an abusive relationship.
When we talk about an abuser, we are clearly naming the behavior. When we talk about an abused person, we are clearly saying what that person experiences.
Now, to make it a little more complicated, the domestic violence field is shifting from the terminology “power and control” to “coercive control tactics”. The purpose here is to move away from the mistaken notion that domestic violence is only seen as physical abuse. By using the term “coercive control” or “coercion and controlling behaviors or tactics”, we are able to expand the dialogue and describe in behaviorally specific terms the nature of the abuse. When coercive and controlling behaviors are assessed using a frequency measure, we are able to document repeated patterns that the abused partner experiences.
This is important because there are two viewpoints in the literature. One is that men and women are equally abusive with their partners. The other is that men are the primary abusers. The literature that supports men and women being equally abusive toward each other is based on survey responses that focus on situational violence.
The literature from assessments of victims seeking safe shelter from their abusive partner shows these are primarily male abusers and females who are abused. The means to assess the second group use tools that ask about frequency and severity of abuse and violence. This literature goes beyond physical violence to look at coercive control in the relationship. Thus, showing on-going patterns of specific behaviors that have some level of predictability for being repeated.
Let me know if this helps you.
Peacefully yours,
Dr. Debra
Debra Wingfield, Ed.D., LPC
Author, Trainer, Speaker, Consultant
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