Misuse of the term narcissist takes the coercive controller off the hook for their behavior and being held accountable. Labeling takes away responsibility for coercive control from the abuser and provides an excuse to blame behavior on a mental health diagnosis. Not all narcissists abuse and not all abusers are narcissists. The additional problem with the use of labeling narcissists as abusers is the lack of clinical diagnosis being done by a licensed, professionally trained clinician. (Malkin, 2017). “As with any mental health disorder, neither you nor anyone else should try to diagnose someone with NPD, …; ..unless you are a trained mental health professional [able] to make such an assessment” (Malkin).
In Wingfield’s work with perpetrators of domestic violence, domestic abuse, coercive control administering over 1000 Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventories (MCMI), other personality features, traits, and disorders were identified. While court-ordered perpetrators may show some personality disorder concerns, most do not reach the level of the full disorder on just one scale. To blatantly lump all coercive controllers or abusers into one personality disorder, narcissist, sends a message that those with other features, traits, and personality disorders are not part of the problem at issue.
Not all narcissists abuse and not all abusers are narcissists. Also, not all individuals with personality disorders abuse, and not all abusers have personality disorders. While many books are currently published claim all abusers are narcissists, they are often written by untrained individuals in mental health without specific training in diagnostic procedures. Depending on this body of pseudo-psychology writing leads to further re-victimization by professionals untrained in coercive control dynamics.
Be careful about labeling anyone a narcissist. That is a clinical term. It also gives the abuser an excuse for why they are abusive. We prefer the use of coercive controller or abuser because these terms describe behaviors. Your focus needs to be on describing the behaviors of the person, the context in which the behavior occurs, and intents of the behavior. This helps the victim/survivor identify their beliefs about what consequences will happen to them if they refuse to comply.
We prefer to encourage coercive control survivors to focus on descriptions of the abuser/coercive controller’s behaviors, how those behaviors impact the survivor/victim, the children, and what protective capacities (Mandel, 2024) she used to help her children through the toxic stress of their experience. We have developed a timeline form she can use to document the history of the relationship, show the patterns of coercive control, and the impacts on herself and her children. Finally, we encourage her to view her protective capacities as positive support for her children.
Contact us to learn more about our Coercive Control Advocacy Training program and how you can educate yourself on what you experienced https://www.houseofpeacepubs.com/. Many of our participants indicate how much this helps with their healing. Reach out to access the Timeline form from our advocates through https://calledtopeace.org/. We are here to walk alongside you on your healing journey.