I know what cyber bullying feels like. I learned this from women who experience cyber bullying from their former spouses.
Here is how it feels to be cyber bullied.
- You are unable to breathe or make a move even if your ex or almost ex is no longer physically with you.
- His verbal and emotional abuse, threats and intimidation, coercion and control is now being carried out electronically.
- Texts and emails are used since he no longer has you in his physical presence.
- You still feel suffocated by him and it is oppressive.
- You are not depressed so much as just unable to breathe or make a move, or say anything for fear of his next attack.
It’s time to put a stop to it, but you don’t know how. If your responses to texts and emails aren’t fast enough or he doesn’t like your responses, you are still under attack. He bombards you with words, demands answers, and goes after you at every turn. He has no ability to wait for you to think, or for attorneys to do their job. All he wants is to manipulate and monopolize your time and attention.
Stop! Breathe! Wait! Consult! Respond!
This is your new motto as you step into your new life free from cyber bullying coercive control behaviors.
- Stop! You have the right to your time.
- Breathe! You have the right to consider your responses.
- Wait! You have the right to consult with your empowerment support system.
- Consult! You have the right to keep your own counsel and make conscious choices about what you share.
- Respond! You have the right to respond with just the facts.
You no longer have to give reasons.
You no longer have to take care of his feelings.
You no longer have to feel oppressed and suffocated.
You broke free from your hostage taker. It’s time to live your life free of your attention being monopolized. You are free to make your own decisions without being concerned about what he thinks or feels.
This is setting boundaries. It takes time to learn to do this. It takes practice. It takes using your support system to keep you on track while you are connecting back to your inner strength and knowing.
Take it a step at a time. Talk with safe friends, family, and others who have walked in your shoes. See your therapist. If your therapist isn’t helping, find a new one. If your new friends are not supporting you, walk away and find supportive friends.
Step into your power and stop the cyber bully in his tracks.
Peacefully yours,
Dr. Debra
P.S. For more information about Coercive Control Tactics, check out the book “Eyes Wide Open: Help! with Control Freak Co-Parents”
P.P.S. Have questions or want to learn more, go to http://houseofpeacepubs.com/