Often I hear survivors of intimate partner abuse say “he was emotionally abusive in our relationship”. When I ask the survivor to describe exactly what he did that was emotionally abusive, she describes some emotional abuses as well as other coercive control tactics (CCT).
To help her easily identify the coercive control tactics, I list the CCT covered in “Eyes Wide Open: Help! with Control Freak Co-parents”. These are often considered emotional abuse by someone unknowledgeable about the different types of CCT. To make them easy to remember, they are identified by their chief characteristic followed by their more well-known label.
Control Freak Tactics in Relationships
The Constantly Changing His Spots Leopard Co-Parent (Using Emotional Abuse)
The Lion King of my Castle Co-Parent (Using Male Privilege)
The Sneaky Snake Co-Parent (Using the Children)
The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing Co-Parent (Using Minimization, Denial, and Blaming)
The Pompous Hog Co-Parent (Using Economic/Financial Abuse)
The Intimidating Badger Co-Parent (Using Intimidation)
The Threatening Skunk Co-Parent (Using Threats and Coercion)
The Laughing Hyena Co-Parent (Using Isolation)
The Prickly Porcupine Co-Parent (Using Spiritual Abuse)
If the survivor is involved in a custody battle with the abuser, I add these as well.
Control Freak Tactics in Family Court
The Slippery Weasel Co-Parent (Using Litigation Abuse)
The Lying Rat Co-Parent (Using Court-Appointed Professionals)
The Charging Rhinoceros Co-Parent (Using Family Court Judges)
Then, I double check to make sure whether any physical or sexual abuse occurred in the relationship. Too often, there is a huge misunderstanding that physical violence is the only type of recognized abuse. That is why I leave it to the end of my list before I bring it up to her. Also, these CCT don’t happen as often as the non-physical abuses. It is one of my goals to bring out the other CCT and help the average person spot them as well.
Control Freak Tactics with Physical and Sexual Violence
The Stalking Fox Co-parent (Using Non-Physical Sexual Abuse)
The Chest Beating Gorilla Co-Parent (Using Physical Abuse)
The Territorial Tiger Co-Parent (Using Physical Sexual Abuse)
Once we’ve established the general areas where CCT occurred in the relationship, I use the separate assessments in each chapter to drill down on the specific behaviors the abuser used. I want to help the survivor describe in behavioral specific terms exactly what happened, how often it happened, and what level of escalation occurred between each incident.
If your clients or you are experiencing any of the CCT daily, weekly, or monthly, please learn more to protect the safety of everyone impacted, both adults and children. More about impacts of intimate partner abuse on children to come in future messages. Keep a look out for future posts where I will discuss each CCT in-depth.
For questions that can’t wait, contact Dr. Debra here.
Peacefully yours,
Dr. Debra
P. S. Anxious to get ahold of the various assessments now? Check out “Eyes Wide Open: Help! with Control Freak Co-parents” here.
P.P.S. For in-depth training and use of the assessments, go to the Virtual Training Center and register for courses on CCT and IPV Assessments at http://houseofpeacepubs.com/